I have seen Simplicity Parenting: Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Calmer, Happier, and More Secure Kids recommended in every online parenting group I am a part of – regardless of the group’s philosophy. I put it on my reading list and was thrilled to find it in a local library. I took it along on our road trip and managed to finish it up shortly thereafter.
Kim John Payne offers a lot of ways to simplify family life and let kids just be kids. Some things I had heard before, like “Get rid of most of the toys.” But some really made me think. He explains the “less is more” principle, that you can’t appreciate something (a toy, for example, or even a book) when it’s buried under a mound of similar items. This extends beyond physical items though and into scheduling and information intake. So many kids today are over-scheduled and don’t have time to just…play, and be kids. (Which, by the way, is SUPER IMPORTANT from a development standpoint. Parents put their kids in all kids of sports, activities, and lessons with the goal of challenging kids, or giving them some kind of academic edge – when the absolute best thing you can do from a brain development standpoint is give your kids plenty of unstructured free time for self-directed play.)
Environment: Payne starts by recommending several toy purges, which is probably good for most families. Including ours. This is what I want our playroom to look like:
But this is more like it:
(I stole this picture from the internet. I’m not brave enough to take a picture of ours.)
I had already removed quite a few toys from our play area but after reading this book I am determined to move more out. We still have more things available to play with than the kids can keep tidied up (apparently), which means we have too many. We’ll just keep taking stuff out til they can keep it reasonably tidy on their own. (Don’t worry, while some of it is getting donated, we’ll have plenty of things to rotate in and out.) Payne also included books in the environment category, which gave me pause. I always thought you could never have to many books, but he pointed out that having a ton of books can be sensory overload for kids. I pared down what is out/available (once again, we will be rotating) so now there are a few spots in the house with around 10 kid books. We’ll switch them out to keep things fresh and interesting. Clothes are up next. We are doing pretty well on this front, at least with The Boy. I don’t think The Girl has too much, necessarily, but she definitely has more than The Boy – because she has all his hand-me-downs plus the girl-specific things people buy for her. There is also a short section about scent and lighting, so that your home’s overall environment is peaceful.
Rhythm: This section is about having routines and rituals. Babies and children really thrive on predictable routines. I think we are doing all right in this area, although we perhaps could use a little more structure in our daily rhythm. I thought this chapter could be particularly beneficial to very busy families because Payne has a lot of ideas on how routines can be worked into hectic, busy lives. He gives examples of families he has worked with who have very busy, stressful schedules and ideas they have come up with to provide predictability for their kids. He also uses this section to discuss simplifying tastes (eliminating processed, sugary foods) as well as healthy sleep habits.
Schedules: Here Payne discusses the activities a child may be involved in (and how fewer activities are better than lots). Boredom is fertile ground in which the seeds of creativity flourish. Fewer activities means more anticipation surrounding the ones you do select, and greater enjoyment of those activities. Lots of activities just leads to stress. He recommends planning calm, regular days around busy ones, and I have seen how much better my own kids do when we don’t have busy days stacked next to each other. He also has a very thought-provoking section about organized sports. We haven’t gotten there yet but The Husband has started talking about getting The Boy started in sports, so I found this part very interesting. He goes in-depth with the differences between organized sports and free play, both brain development as well as physical. Free play (including neighborhood pick-up games) involves problem-solving, rule-making, negotiating, creativity, and tends to be more varied; organized sports is about learning pre-determined rules and specialized skills. He also describes the rise in overuse injuries among children and adolescents, due in large part to beginning organized sports at a young age and spending so much time training for a particular sport. He says children under 8 should be involved in free play rather than organized sports.
Filtering Out the Adult World: Since we don’t have a TV, I wasn’t expecting to glean a lot from this section. Payne does talk about reducing (or better, eliminating) TV and screen time here and how kids benefit. Then, he shares a story of a workshop he gave and a parent asked him, “Why did Laura and Mary do what Pa said?” I HAVE ALWAYS WONDERED THIS. Payne’s answer: Pa didn’t say too much. Payne says there’s no need for parents to talk as much as so many of us do – no need to expound upon the child’s own observation, no reason to make every moment into an opportunity to teach or even something “special.” Often, quiet attentiveness is enough. (For example, I turned around to the backseat last week and saw that my kids were holding hands. Rather than gushing about how sweet it was, I let them enjoy their moment together. And I took several pictures on my phone that they know nothing about.) Not narrating every moment of every day makes the things you do say more weighty, which hopefully provides some benefits in the discipline department. Next up is filtering out adult topics. Most parents don’t discuss their sex lives in front of their kids; that is not what Payne means – he is referring more to adult emotional problems, like such as disliking a co-worker or other adult interpersonal problems, worries over money – things a child isn’t really capable of understanding. I do think we’ve let a bit too much of this in, in the hope of being honest or authentic with our kids. Payne points out that it’s not “sharing” when the other party (in this case, a child) isn’t capable of equal and mutual exchange. I am hoping we can find a balance between being honest and sparing our children adult worries.
I think Simplicity Parenting is a GREAT book and I have added it to the Parenting section of the store on my resource page. I loved and agreed with many of the things Kim John Payne had to say in this book and I highly recommend it.
I travel like Rory Gilmore, with a variety of books to suit any whim that may arise during my trip:
I picked up Raising Financially Fit Kids at the library before our recent road trip and finished it pretty quickly. I really enjoyed it and will probably be adding it to my permanent collection. It has a TON of hands-on ideas for teaching money management to kids of all ages, so I can see myself referring to it often in the years to come.
The author, Joline Godfrey, has parents begin by thinking about their family’s financial values. What do you believe (and practice) about saving, earning, spending, giving, budgeting, investing, etc.? One thing I really liked about this book was that it was very flexible and adaptable – she acknowledges that some people (including kids) are natural savers (or hoarders), some spend everything they can get their hands on, and different families will have different views on how much to save, or charitable/philanthropic giving. So you take your values into account, as well as your child’s money personality, when thinking about how and what to teach them.
Then the book is broken down into four age ranges (5-8, 9-12, 13-15, and 16-18) and Godfrey goes into detail about what concepts kids are able to grasp at these ages and different activities for teaching 10 basic money skills. The skills are:
- How to save
- How to keep track of money
- How to get paid what you are worth
- How to spend wisely
- How to talk about money
- How to live a budget
- How to invest
- How to exercise the entrepreneurial spirit
- How to handle credit
- How to use money to change the world
She includes several resources for each skill so parents have additional books, websites, and organizations to look to for additional ideas. One idea I really liked was to ask others (whose money management you respect) to be money mentors for your child and spend time with them a few times a year to talk about or do something money-related, so that you’re not the only voice of financial wisdom in your child’s life. I also really like that she includes being intentional about teaching your children to be critical of media and advertising – this is a crucial component of wise money management and I think a lot of people overlook this. Because we are TV-free I am always aghast whenever we go anywhere with a TV (which is basically anywhere) at the number of commercials, and how pushy they are at encouraging materialism. Teaching your kids to view or hear ads through a filter of “Their motive is to take my money” will help them learn not to believe every marketing ploy that comes their way. For older kids Godfrey encourages research into some of their favorite brands to see what causes the company supports, whether their ads are degrading to women or other people groups, and deciding what kind of companies they want to purchase from.
This book is very thorough and well laid-out. It provides a truly comprehensive approach for teaching personal finance and money management to children and I can wholeheartedly recommend it.
First off, it is HILARIOUS that I am writing anything that could be construed as fashion advice. I am utterly clueless about what clothes are cool – it’s not just my advancing age, I’ve always been that way. So, take this with a grain of salt.
Apparently some people sneer at stay-at-home moms and think we don’t do anything, just hang out all day in PJs. These people are only on the internet, I think. Everyone I know in real life is very supportive of and encouraging of stay-at-home moms, even if it’s not their particular family arrangement. I thought I’d share a few ways to look like you have stuff pulled together when you get an unexpected knock on the door (you KNOW they’re not ringing the doorbell because you have a “Shh, babies sleeping ” sign taped over your doorbell) but still be just as comfy as wearing your jammies.
1. Hair. As far as I know, the ponytail is the only hairdo. Ever. There’s not point wearing it down – babies pull on it, it gets peanut butter smeared in, etc. A Flexi clip allows you to maintain this important part of your mom uniform but looks nicer than a regular rubber bandy thing. Plus, you can do some other fancy things like a bun if you’re so inclined. With your hair in a bun you can fool anybody into thinking you know what you’re doing!
2. Shirt. The cotton/modal shirts from Land’s End are AWESOME. They are pretty much all I wear. They are super soft and comfortable but look ever so much nicer than a t-shirt you got from donating blood 12 years ago. They always have some deal going on like buy 3 and get $15 off. They come in beautiful colors, 3 different necklines, and long and short sleeves. They wash really well, too.
3. Pants. Yoga pants are, apparently, the new sweat pants. A lot of moms wear them every day because they’re comfy and look a bit nicer than regular sweat pants. I personally like the Starfish pants from Land’s End (I swear I am not a Land’s End salesperson or anything, I just think their stuff is great quality which means I have to shop less frequently, which is awesome. I hate shopping.). They are a nicer material than your average yoga pants – in the reviews some people say they wear them as business casual – but they are super comfortable. They are a little stretchy too so it’s easy to get down in the floor to read Corduroy 3000 times or build an awesome train track. My only complaint is that the waist is a tiny bit too high for my taste, and the thighs seem really roomy. I have big thighs, too. But they’re really comfortable and look nice.
In summer I wear either chino shorts with a reasonable inseam (because, you know, I have thighs and stuff) or Bermuda shorts. Those are the kind that go to your knees, right? These are from Old Navy:
4. Shoes. I have to admit, I’m still working on this one. For leaving the house, I like these ballet/Mary Jane types. (For the record, I hate that they’re Crocs. Rubber shoes seem weird to me, and they DO make your feet sweat as much as you think they would.) But, they’re comfortable, look sort-of presentable (I mean, they’re rubber…) and are basically indestructible. So if you slosh dinner while stirring (or if your 3-year-old is helping), or if a baby spits up on them, they just wipe up. So those are good things.
If anyone has recommendations for cute, comfortable, easy-care shoes with a bit of support that aren’t basically galoshes in disguise, please let me know.
For around the house, I also like ballet shoe styles. (What can I say? I want to look like Audrey Hepburn! But without working for it.) These are Isotoners and I wouldn’t be embarrassed answering the door in them, or if a neighbor stopped by for an impromptu visit.
I think they’re cute but The Husband says they look like his grandma’s slippers so take that into account. I think these are cute, too (but like I said, I have no sense of fashion so I could be totally wrong). I got them for $12 plus free shipping.
There you go! Head to toe, some super comfy, really easy options. It can be tempting to hang out in jammies all day but a quick change can really help your outlook as well as persuade the nay-sayers that mothering is a legitimate profession and worthy of respect.